Remember when people used to whisper the word "Divorced", "Cancer", or even "Black"? There was something so inherently wrong about these words that if the choice was made to verbalize one of them, they HAD to be whispered for fear of being overheard. Sex however, was the one topic so bad that even whispers couldn’t tame it. Growing up in my house, "talk" about sex was nothing but euphemisms and silence. Yet talking about sex is what people did! I couldn’t understand why discourse around such a natural shared human experience should be so closely guarded. My mother always called me a "Contrarian", saying "When someone says don't, you do." Thus did my career in sexuality blossom.
During college, I found a knack for memorizing sexual facts. Every night
at supper, I would amaze and intrigue friends at the table with my "fact
of the day”. I loved spreading factual knowledge, piquing my friends’
interests, and confronting the taboo topic all at once. Of course, I haven't
even mentioned the fact that something so scandalous shouldn’t EVER
have been
uttered by a GIRL!
I went through a SAR
during my senior year of college. I was pretty sure that I wanted to work
in the field of sexology and I thought it would help jumpstart me my career.
I knew the SAR would push me to expand my notion of sexuality. The first
day was mind blowing. It consisted of watching hour after hour of sexual
scenes and then breaking them down through discussion. The SAR hit me
like a brick wall. My mind overflowed with questions and ideas, but the
thing that stayed with me the most out of that experience was what I came
to call: my "hot topics". Through the SAR, I discovered topics
which I had a huge bias against. And most importantly, I realized that
when dealing with those "hot topics", I would be an unsafe sexuality
educator. One way or another, those biases would sneak out. Through discussion
with other sexologists, I learned how to deal with this conundrum. Referrals
were our ticket to safe education. With close self- assessment, we could
safely instruct others without subjecting them to our biases. The creed
that I came away with greatly resembled the Hippocratic Oath. My creed
became, "Answer questions but above all else, DO NO HARM."
This commitment to do no harm is what has guided me through my career
as a sexuality educator. I love being able to provide individuals with
information that they can choose to use in order to empower themselves,
their lives and their relationships. I am thrilled to stand before people
and show that sexuality CAN BE TALKED ABOUT, and you won't die of shame
in the process.
On a personal level, this will-to-talk has caused some ripples. My parents
were mortified when I revealed to them my career aspirations. But gradually,
they started to acknowledge my passion and expertise. And now? They’re
proud to tell their friends about my latest work. And proud they should
be. After all, I credit them with my entry into the field of sexuality.
As I often say to nervous parents at the start of my HOW TO TALK TO YOUR
KIDS ABOUT SEXUALITY classes: "My parents NEVER talked to me about
sex and look what I do now for a living. If you don't want your kids to
end up like me, start talking to them!" It never fails to elicit
giggles from the room and helps comfort the crowd. There is power talking
openly and honestly about sex. I’m glad to help people reclaim it.
